Prepare children for the way they should behave with the new baby. Parents often worry that their older child may be too rough with the baby. As a result, they may emphasize many things children should not do with their younger siblings. Parents should give more attention to showing children ways they can have a safe and enjoyable time together. An older child needs to know how to play with a baby, how they can communicate, and how to handle conflict. Most sibling preparation programs do not work on the social skills a new brother or sister will need.
Parents help children with these skills as they give them suggestions and feedback on a daily basis. Children may also learn skills that set the stage for good sibling relationships by playing with other children. Children who play well with their friends are more likely to develop good relationships with their siblings (Kramer and Gottman, 1992). When your child is playing with other children, note her ability to manage conflict. See if she helps to keep the emotional climate pleasant. Child care providers also help children develop these skills. As they promote good peer relationships, they help children learn the skills they'll need for good sibling relationships.
IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY!
Some children regress in their behavior when a new child arrives. Children may be more demanding, have more toilet accidents, or they may have trouble sleeping. Although these problems can be annoying, parents shouldn't worry about them too much. They usually disappear in three to five months. Many children show signs of greater maturity when a new sibling arrives. They may take pride in showing that they are different from their little brother or sister because they can dress themselves. This is a great chance to praise children for helping in a stressful situation. Remember, though, that the same children who are showing off their new skills can also be showing immature behaviors.
IT'S NOT JUST LUCK WHEN KIDS GET ALONG
A good sibling relationship is more likely if parents value it. Parents should think about the way they would like their children to behave with each other. Then they should help their children learn to behave that way. If parents think it's important that siblings share, they should look for chances to praise this behavior. For example, "I like the way you and Joey are playing together with that truck." If parents value closeness and affection between siblings, they should look for examples of this behavior to praise. Parents should model the behavior they want to see in their children. They should avoid behavior that they don't want their children to imitate.
HELP YOUR CHILD LEARN HOW TO BE A SIBLING
Help your children find a role to play with their new sibling. Possible roles include assistant caregiver, teacher, helper, or playmate. As assistant caregiver, a child could fetch diapers, help entertain the infant, or help decide what the baby needs or is trying to express. Don't push children into a caregiving role, though, if they don't want it. If you do, they may feel that being a sibling is only a burden. Help the child find a different role to play, or wait until the baby is older and the children can interact together more successfully.
ONE LAST PIECE OF ADVICE
Babies seem to come into the world ready to adore their older siblings. Make sure your older children know how important they are to their brother or sister. It will give them a sense of pride and foster mutual enjoyment.
REFERENCES
Kramer, L., and J. M. Gottman, 1992. Becoming a sibling: "With a little help from my friends." *Developmental Psychology* 28:685-699.
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